While the holiday season is a time for families to come together and celebrate in their own unique ways, it can also involve stress.

Regular routines are disrupted as kids are home for extended school breaks, and families are either traveling or hosting. This can be challenging enough for families with typically developing children, but it presents an especially challenging time for families of children with disabilities. In addition to all of the ‘normal’ disruptions, there are also changes to therapy and medical appointment schedules. 

One of the benefits of telehealth that AnswersNow clients and clinicians have embraced is the flexibility and availability of our clinical support over holiday breaks. Our clinicians are happy to work with families on a support schedule that works for them and their changing schedules. 

The challenge facing families during the holidays is often two-fold. 

1. One, how to prepare their children for events that are unfamiliar to them. This can include any ‘new’ event on the calendar but certainly includes family get-togethers, Holiday specific events (selecting a tree/holiday festival at Church/a parade/tacky light tour). These can be wonderful, memorable events and we always encourage families to include their children in as many activities as possible but can also be anxiety-inducing events as parents and caregivers worry about meltdowns and children reacting to unfamiliar events. 

2. Two, while the focus can sometimes be on events outside the home, events inside the home can be just as challenging. These can include having large family gatherings and/or holiday parties. 

So let’s go over some tips for a smooth holiday season:

1. Set realistic expectations

We all want to experience the perfect holiday, complete with family traditions, memory-making moments, and everyone being their best self. But as we all know, it can be hard to measure up to those ideals. Setting realistic expectations for your child ahead of the festivities is an important first step. 

Reflect on where your child actually is in terms of abilities, and consider how you can set up the holiday season to increase the likelihood of success. Does everyone need to stay seated at the table through the whole meal? Does everyone need to be involved with putting up decorations? Do toys and tablets need to be off and put away during this activity or that? Yes, we’d love for each person to be fully engaged, but it might be too big of a leap for some. Consider adjusting your expectations so that they are achievable.

2. Make things as easy, joyful, and predictable as possible

One of the best ways to avoid challenging behavior - in general and during changes in routine - is to keep things light, reinforcing, and rewarding. Make sure that preferred activities, toys, and foods are on hand, and avoid making your child “work” for them. Provide lots of your child’s preferred attention, whether that’s playing games, singing songs, acting out scenes, cuddling on the couch, or being goofy together. Limit demands, instructions, and questions, and make necessary ones as easy and fun as you can.

3. Introduce new routines and activities early

Many children on the autism spectrum struggle with changes in schedules and can react strongly to surprises in their routines. Our clinicians recommend introducing routines and activities gradually and far ahead of time and then practice them so that the unfamiliar routines become familiar and children learn what to do with fluency. Effective strategies include creating visual schedules, using stories that review what to expect, and practicing small parts of routines and introducing more of the routines over time. 

Visual schedules are a proven, evidence-based method for helping individuals on the spectrum know what’s happening next. Creating one can help reduce their anxiety related to schedule changes. This example from the National Professional Development Center is a good primer for how to make a visual schedule. 

Stories are common ways for children to experience the holidays and special moments in their lives. Children with autism are no different and can benefit from this loving way to prepare them for a loss of routine around the holiday. While there are many to choose from online or at your local library, our team especially likes “A Wish to Be a Christmas Tree” “Snow Day!” and “’Twas an Autistic Christmas.”

4. Ask for help or a “gift” for you

Children aren’t the only ones who need support. We encourage parents and caregivers to get support too. A stressed caregiver can amplify the anxiety a child is feeling. Please know that it’s okay to ask for and accept offers of help. Most families have a relative or a friend who would be happy to give you a break by caring for your child for an hour, an evening, or even an overnight stay. Don’t be ashamed to say yes to the offer or even request it as a “present” to yourself. By taking a moment to recharge, have some quiet time, or do necessary errands, you can be more present in the moment with your child and better provide them with the attention and support they need to manage the holiday season. 

5. Create a backup plan

No matter how well we prepare, there is always a chance that things don’t go as planned. That’s why it makes sense to have a backup plan in case your child struggles with a particular event or interaction. Simply having a specific, detailed plan can help reduce everyone’s anxiety and make the holidays more relaxing and festive.

A good backup plan includes clearly defined options and roles. These might include layered escalations so that caregivers can help children manage a moment of stress or have a place to retreat for a short amount of time. It’s also a good idea to agree beforehand on who is responsible for leaving a gathering or party with a child if necessary. Think through all eventualities like whether two vehicles are needed at an event so other family members can stay without disrupting the festivities.

6. Be okay with imperfection

These preparations can take a lot of effort, and - while they are designed to increase your likelihood of success - they won’t go perfectly every time. Acknowledge ahead of time that it’s okay to fail. And while we might feel judged or mortified by our child’s behavior when it does, the reality is that most people are likely to understand. 

Ultimately, every family faces added anxiety and stress during the holidays. For those with children with autism, planning ahead can reduce the potential challenges and provide some confidence in minimizing disruptions. Given the prevalence of autism, chances are that many of us know or will engage with someone on the spectrum or their family. We can all do our part by offering to lend a hand and exhibiting a little holiday spirit in the form of patience and kindness.

If you are a client of AnswersNow please feel free to reach out to your clinician with any questions or support you may need. 

AnswersNow wishes you and yours a healthy and happy Holiday Season.